tonite is blogging nite...full of inspiration. . .

Ok, lets start of with something personal. So she's online now. Mixed feelings as i saw her online and went to bath. While bathing: Maybe i should go for a crazy idea and ask her out for a movie. Ponder and ponder. How to do it? What should i do? Disclaminer: im juz venting out some fustrations here. And so i go on and go..and of course to other matters. Read yue liang's blog..scrolling through the past blogs. To date, i live with the irritation and dunno-wat-to-do situation where a big bag of emotions hang ard my shoulder..and i juz cant shake it off. During the study of IL2 written test in aqua lab..i wondered and turned my eyes alot to her, only to shout to myself (internally) to "OEI! STUDY! wat the ** u doing =x. FOCUSSSSSS". To invalidy of course. Cant help it, juz cant help it. But then i confuse myself again. Faye is behind her (as in i can see faye behind her) and occasionally, my vision shifted to her as well. I cant read my body language at all. What does this indicate. As i think abt it now, as i see faye..i thought back of the days when i fell in love with her beauty. Her smile, her laughter, her so many things. She still holds that air around her, tat magnet..where my attention falls back to her. I have no idea why..some would say tat i hvnt got over her. My thought? Maybe i got ready to forgive her (dunno wat she did to make me angry..but still) and tell her, i've gotten over her. Im ready to move on. Friends? I think i will miss her humour the most..now that we'll go our separate ways.

back to her. She sits far away (only 1 bench, but it seemed like a distance tat couldnt be reached). I think im making it too obvious, so many a times i changed my view to look at her in class (aiyooo). Something i dont like though. We chat alot (relatively..i dunno how much she chats with other ppl) on msn..but tats online. End of the day, i still cant mingle with her and her friends together (ppg..a barrier to fly across). No troubles (not yet) to talk to her alone though. I get angry with myself on tat. Im a guy..the natural thinker and solutioner (comparing girls and guys..this topic..erm..some may shoot me for tat..but ya..tt's the gd part of a guy. a girl also hv her gd pt) for sakes! So helpless when it comes to this type of thing. ger now knows abt it..and we chats on both sides. wat a mess for me. upon thinking abt the future plans..it doesnt help at all. sigh. I know i stand so little chance. She's gd and friendly to everyone, making it virtually impossible for me to read her language. Maybe i should be natural, but who would wan to take the risk? Show a not-so-gd-side. End of the day, everyone wans the other partner (in the beginning) to have the best impressions of them. And comes the point. Dont act? The line between acting and turning over a new leaf..so easily turned over.

My chances. What are my chances? What's she looking for? and shld i change to fit that criteria? I can tahan the new
"modifications", so i believe and hope. But..but, it doesnt answer my qn. right now, i could juz pop the qn and face rejection on the spot. The prick would be tat everything, the current floating-happily-on-its-own bubble will be bursted and all is gone. when i say all, it refers to the anticipation and eagerness (abit la) and estacy of love. Staying friends..well..i might be frank. Hard. after yr 1..my image of a relationship snapped into...well...not so ideal. ick, the weak side of me. shld i click her now, we'll probably chat a while. and this negative emotion im trying to type (idiom of the day: its hard to put into words how i feel for u..:p) will probably go away together with it too. only to have it come some other night i guess. dunno to "haha" or "sigh" at that previous sentance. been long since i type such essays..but i think i really need to vent abit out. it kinda irritates when u like someone but has not much strong positive response. haha/sigh. I even reach the stage tat i try to go busstop at the same time. Sheez..i feel so stupid (well.....the rewards are gd though..haha)

Ok, tt's all for missing her. Right now..going into yl's blog. Strangely enough..i hv a feeling it was created for erm..coughs coughs..tat some1 lor. haha. Naughty naughty wor. then nver tell me..not that i mind. frankly, i dont really like going probing into other ppl's blog. sometimes, sensitive stuff lies ard all (make it most of the time)..so very dangerous if any1 get wat i mean. And its hard to try and pretend.."no..i nver saw tat". Ya..so..back to him. glad he's learning..not to mean anything..but as in growing up ya? yue liang..foreva the nice and gd guy. wonder what happened to him to make him change. I find this sad but in the world, unless something drastic happens to change ur life...chances are we will stay lazy, unmotivated and undisciplined for the rest of our lifes. gd guys are rare. yue liang is one of them :)

tats him. now..kkz..lets describe grease performance. a totally bad analogy but:

its like an orgasm after sex. after all the hard work..u lie on the bed and rest. aww..and cos u're too tired..u go straight to bed, lying beside ur cough* partner. in this case..we worked like hell, the orgasm was in 12th april..but we're not resting. tat's wat's making meng feel sian?

ok..cannot make it. too crappy..hahaha. anyway..meng lost motivation..and everyone's busy with sch work. I have sortof a motto in life to tell myself. "U are a guy. Of all the things you can lose, u cannot lose your confidence". da nan ren zhu yi? not really..it applies to girls as well. we still live in a world where its not really 50:50 i think. male still dominate..due to a chemical molecule called testerone. haha. ok..crap again. but the above line. Ppl, especially girls, kinda look down on guys who whine and ya. argh..my juice all ran out le :( did wanted to type more.

meng called..he sounds ok. haha. anyway..he's winning (winnie-ing) right...so hehe..he wont get to see this. VB VB. Oh..which reminds me...perl for le's fren's fren. wonder if i remember how to do

programming is addictive as well. sense of achievement alot ah..haha

:)
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update:

ok, i made up my mind. im giving up liao. its easier to stay as frens. too overwhelmed. too drained. too overcomed. changing back to natural frens. shall stop thinking abt her.