I actually hv nth to blog tonite..but since im waiting for zhiwen to pass him something..might as well find something to do.
 
tonite's probably gonna be random thots all the way. here goes: i feel i lack sleep. alot. since exam periods, i couldnt be bothered to catch them (the lost sleep) back. together with the late night chats with her..it got abit badder (not that i hv any regrets on the chats. hehe). then thailand drained the last few energy i have..and the gamin as well. now i feel sleepy in the day..an afternoon sleep isnt enough. haha..wonder how much more naps i need. (i think whoever reads this would go: siao..then go sleep now la..haha)
 
next: i think im getting fatter. got into an icecream and chocolate feast. bought 4 bars of choc from the airport, ate 1, 1 for melody. tat leaves 2 more. and probably 3 kgs together with it. haha. something gross: i feel indigestion..the bug i ate from thailand is still inside my stomach i think. ewww. bloated..and trying to control it.
 
wonder how she's doing. not feelin down anymore. the waves of missing her seems to come in every 3 days (which i think is actually 1 day. either time passes slow or i slowly lost track of time)..but everytime, a msg pops out..and i'll feel great instantly. she knows~ haha. mei-you-gen-ju de imagination. anyway..to those who ever reads this and the previous depressing post..heres a mini-clarification. the hating-myself part was directed to why i didnt go give a hug, tell her how much im gonna miss her presence and lets keep in contact. sms-es sortof kept those negative thots away (at least i know im doing something to show my current feelings and hence, i wont feel more guilty) at bay..so i guess its ok. wild ideas pop in my head as well..haha. ideas i nver thought i'll go bother myself with. =/ haha (im still hidin alot of things huh?)
 
back to gainin weight. i need a target. maybe 40 pushups a day..distributed throughout the day. mixed with 20 pullups. and slightly increasing everyday. though its puny exercise...i think it helps. haha. my stomach is already going rd..oh no. haha. im fat. nah..aint gonna associate that term to myself. currently borderline underweight i think.
 
isnt it strange? how the night always draw so much emotions out. or rather...thoughts. maybe its loniness that does that, not the night. still very unclear on how the world works, how humans communicate and how the animals could live with us wreaking their homes. (assuming they hv patience and logical minds).  my post is getting out of focus, but i hv nth to start with..so it doesnt matter. :p
 
next..wat to blog? oh...what a blog means to me. tat could be interesting. kkz..a blog is..an online journal/diary. this definition is given to me by meng..long ago..but very applicable. I changed the usage of it abit. Here's a testing ground..how much i dare to reveal myself. Everyone's (meaning teenagers) are constantly fightin against themselves (so i feel)..so here's a vent-my-fustrations cum share-my-joy area. also, a place where i try my logical skills (not much im afraid)..on wat i should say and wat i shld not. the previous incident scarred me for life le. its a "shld i be sayin this at all" mentality quite often..so i keep mum most of the time..on sensitive topics. Hmm..out of focus le. Anyway..a blog is multifuctionable. haha (cheap conclusion) and oh..its a place to play with english as well :)
 
gonna meet zhiwen soon..he msged. kkz..so wat's next? crap..i remember something...but i forgot. frowns. haha. i think i lost the writing juice. partially cos im sleepy? perhaps. as for shoutouts..i decided not to amend it. its quite fun to get a all-in-one kind of shoutout. easy to click and read through wat ppl said. easy to get smile place :)
 
oh..i remember wat i wanted to say. Can someone teach me how to trust a girl? In terms of secrets. I have a bad bias against them as i think they cant keep their mouth shut. Die, how many girls will hate me for this? :p They say nver de-jui a female. Py sure got alot to say abt this one. :p
 
I feel like cutting hair. No no, correction. I need to cut my hair. Its getting too long. Shld i change hairstyle. Would be cool. Haha..then dont dare to go out for the next few mths till NS. might even look forward to NS haircut if i change hairstyle and it looks...sucky. No no, i'll juz trim my hair. Thank you. haha. and no volunteers on "come! i help u cut!"  haha
 
Warmth is attractive, as always. No blanket/pillow kinda of warmth..but human warmth. And no, not emotional kinda of warmth. Physical, human contact. Does tat make me sex-inclined? Nope, that juz makes me human. One sided argument. haha.
 
Wonder how university is like. Will i meet stuckup JC ppl? (tats prejudice my fren...) Will they discrimate poly students? Will NS be tough? Fate has been kind to be so far..giving me frens..none too..stuckup or snobby. kkz, my job's done..goin to sleep le
 
Filled with hope for the coming years. Tat's words from an ignorant youngster.
 
outz`crave for nirvana